


Disobedient, Defiant.

by LostAndDowned



Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Bites His Tongue Too Much, Ben Is A Baby Right Now And He Is Having A Hard Time, But Like Unconventionally, Character Analysis, Gen, IDK When The Others Will Come Into The Story, LITERALLY, Muteness, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Social Anxiety, but they will, eventually, i don't know how to tag, kind of, listen, or write, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:55:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22944394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostAndDowned/pseuds/LostAndDowned
Summary: Benjamin Arnold was not a quiet person.Ever since he'd been small he would chatter away with anyone or anything that had been willing to listen, whether that be his neighbor or his sugar-glider or Kingsie or a stranger.And while that last bit of it had occasionally brought him bouts of trouble, his mother was always there to watch out for him.And everything about everything had been fine for years, all the way up until he'd had to face the horrors of school.(Or: Ben talks a bit too much and then he doesn't talk enough and why can't people just make up their damn minds, what do they want from him?)(Or: Ben's talkative, but ends up with some serious social anxiety and kind of ends up being real quiet at school, but of course it's not a problem. That's just him.)
Relationships: Ben Arnold & Emily Potter, Ben Arnold & His Mother, Ben Arnold & Sammy Stevens, Ben Arnold & Troy Krieghauser & Sammy Stevens
Comments: 5
Kudos: 30





	Disobedient, Defiant.

**Author's Note:**

> No beta, we die.
> 
> This is crap, I'll probably end up deleting it later, but hey, here it is for now.

Benjamin Arnold was not a quiet person.

Ever since he'd been small he would chatter away with anyone or _anything_ that had been willing to listen, whether that be his neighbor or his sugar-glider or Kingsie or a stranger.

And while that last bit of it had occasionally brought him bouts of trouble, his mother was always there to watch out for him.

And everything about everything had been fine for years, all the way up until he'd had to face the horrors of school.

On the first day of kindergarten, his teacher introduces herself as Ms. Brown, explains the rules, and then lets them colour and talk among themselves for the remainder of the day.

He thinks it's a little weird that she'd felt the need to give them _permission_ to talk to each other, but he doesn't pay it much mind at first.

Then, the second day comes and he's horrified to learn that you actually _do_ need permission to talk here.

You have to raise your hand and wait for the teacher to call on you, unless it's "Talking Time" or recess.

By the time the day is over, Ben's teacher has reprimanded him nearly fifteen times for talking out, despite having only patiently reminded him the first five times.

All the other children know how to follow instructions after all, and he can tell his teacher's patience with him is wearing thin.

It's not even halfway through the third day when his mother is called into the principal's office after he'd called his teacher stupid for telling him to be quiet because _this was a place he was supposed to learn at, wasn't it? How was he supposed to learn if he wasn't allowed to talk through what he was learning?_

His mother goes into the principal's office while he sits very nervously on the edge of a cushioned chair. She spares him a glance and a tired smile and Ben can't help but wonder why she takes so many long shifts and works at a job she doesn't like if it just makes her so tired and sad all the time.

By the time she comes out, she seems even more tired than before and if that doesn't make Ben feel all the more guilty, he doesn't know what would.

She walks over to him with a smile that makes him frown automatically because he doesn't like when she smiles but she doesn't mean it.

Her eyes crinkle at the sides when she's actually happy and even if they didn't no one would be happy to have to come and pick up their son who was apparently disrespectful and disobedient.

She takes his hand, pulls him to his feet, and checks him out of school early and he is perfectly fine with that.

Ben already knows how to read and write and add and they were only supposed to be learning how to _count_ in class.

His mother makes his favourite treat for lunch because she'd taken him home before they'd had it at school and she carefully tries to explain to her son that sometimes you had to bite your tongue and just listen as he munches on his chicken nuggets.

She tries to hide how tired and sad she sounds, but Ben _knows_ his mother and he _hates_ that he's the one to make her so disappointed, so he quietly vows to himself that he'll never make her sound like that again.

It's safe to say that the next day Ben doesn't speak a word in class; every time he wants to talk he puts his tongue between his teeth and presses down until it bleeds and it _works_.

The words go quiet and his head goes clear—for a little while, at least—and he listens to his teacher drone on about _shapes_ of all things.

He watches the way Ms. Brown keeps eyeing him, waiting for him to start rambling, the tension fading out of her as he keeps quiet for the entire day.

Ben goes home feeling prouder than ever and that feeling makes the pain in his tongue and the blood still stuck between his teeth feel almost motivating.

He clambers out of the bus when it reaches his stop, practically sprinting home to tell his mother, but when he gets there he only finds a note taped to the fridge telling him she'll be home late and some pizza in the fridge for him to microwave.

He's disappointed that he'll have to wait, but it's okay because he gets to watch cartoons and pretend like his homework of copying the alphabet doesn't exist.

Ben falls asleep like that, sprawled on the couch with the television running and his pizza still cold in the fridge.

He stirs when his mother gets home, keys jingling in the lock, and she greets him with another exhausted and fake smile.

He hugs her and tells her goodnight, climbing the stairs and heading to bed by himself, all thoughts of his accomplishment slipping from his mind until he's already back at school the next day.

He doesn't talk that day either and his teacher gives him a real smile when he heads out the door.

It's not until three weeks into school that she seems to notice just _how_ quiet he's gotten; to be fair, he doesn't really notice until then either.

She calls on him to answer the problem on the board—it's simple addition and he _knows_ the answer—and he opens his mouth to answer only to find the words trapped.

He breathes out sharply, the noise behind the words smothered in something he can't really recognize.

And, suddenly, she's upset with him for _not_ talking and that doesn't make any sense.

She gives up on trying to get him to answer her, eventually calling on someone else, and the bell rings to let them go home what feels like an eternity later.

He's about to leave when she asks him to stay back for a few minutes and he can't find the words to tell her that he's going to miss his bus if he does so he just keeps walking.

She doesn't try to stop him, but when his mother comes home looking just as disappointed as she did that dreadful night a few weeks ago he's sure the school had called her and told her that he'd done something wrong again.

"Ben," she says quietly over dinner that night, "you know that you don't have to be quiet all the time, right?"

Of course he does, he's not stupid, and he tells her as much.

She looks at him and she's worried and he can tell but he doesn't know why.

And, yeah, not being _able_ to tell his teacher the answer was a little unnerving, but his mom doesn't know that that's what the problem is and she doesn't have to because she's worried enough already.

Besides, he's certain it'll be different tomorrow and his mother eventually drops the conversation when he starts to ramble on about different kinds of rocks, which he only knows about because he'd checked a book out of the library and not because they were actually learning anything interesting at school.

He's sure it'll be different tomorrow.

It isn't different tomorrow and his teacher calls on him again, but she drops it after about a minute of silence.

Ms. Brown and the principal call in his mom for a meeting and she looks even more distraught than before when it's over.

Three days later, he has an appointment with a "specialist" and he doesn't really know what he did wrong.

When his mother leaves him in a room with a stranger who introduces himself as James—just James, not Mr. Carter and not even Mr. James—he has to bite his tongue harder than he usually does just to keep himself from asking her to stay.

He's not entirely sure why he's being quiet here, though.

This isn't school.

But he doesn't know James and talking to strangers is _different_ now and he would really like the man to stop asking him questions.

Ben sits there uncomfortably and he fidgets in his seat, shifting and never really settling on how he wants to sit.

"Do you want your mom to come back in?" James asks and the boy stills, nodding and wrapping his arms around himself as the man leaves to bring his mother back into the room.

She comes in, sits next to him, and asks him if he's alright.

Ben bites his tongue.

And, suddenly, this isn't fair anymore because he was just trying to listen and now he can't even tell his _mom_ that he's.

He just leans into her side and his shoulders shake as he tries not to cry because she _doesn't need to worry_.

But when he turns to lock eyes with her, he feels like his chest is splitting open and he bites his tongue so hard it bleeds—he's gotten better at making sure it doesn't bleed—and his mom notices and, _okay, maybe he's not quite fine_.


End file.
